One day, life tapped me on the shoulder and said, ?Do you realize that your son goes to college in two more years?? Talk about mortified. Sure, we know that one day our child(ren) will leave home and go off into the world. But reality was staring me in the face, requiring that I confront the inevitability NOW.

So much of my life, 16 years in fact, had been devoted to being a mother. My decisions, my goals, my role had all been motivated by that very fact. Even before my son was born, my value of him required that I change my lifestyle. My employment decisions, my friendships, my involvements all had to serve this little guy, either directly or indirectly. It became clear to me that if I didn?t begin to prepare for his departure, I would be devastated.

My first step was getting back in touch with me. I am not suggesting that I lost myself when I became a mother or that motherhood was the sum total of my contribution to this world. No, not at all. I am saying, though my basic values, beliefs and character are the same, the priorities of a parent and the priorities of a single woman are quite different.

I had to make some changes. As Dr. Phil would say, "You need to put this on project status." No longer could I allow my son to rely on me to the same degree he had before. I had to delegate household responsibilities age-appropriately and allow opportunities for self-mastery. We BOTH needed to change.

Take something as simple as cooking dinner. Rather than waiting on me to cook, I started encouraging him to cook. Choosing to make himself a sandwich and chips was no longer sufficient. We had to raise the bar. We both had to see one another differently. He had to see himself as a contributor. And I had to allow him to contribute.

Secondly, I started looking at what I wanted in life. I secured a wonderful life coach and began to identify areas in my life that weren?t satisfying. I looked at what brought me pleasure and what drained me. I evaluated what was meaningful and what added value to my life. My coach required that I take extraordinary care of myself as I progressed toward achieving my life goals. I don?t think I would have discovered a passion for writing had weights not been removed that hindered the expression of this gift.

Another vital step was to ease back into the social scene as a person not as a mother. Sure, I continued to involve myself in my son?s school activities and preparation for college, but I also started flying solo. I started connecting with others in ways that didn?t involve our children. I went to a family and friends gathering at the home of one of my girlfriends. I accepted an invitation to participate in a weekly book club on Sunday evenings. I started scheduling massages and enjoying the deeply spiritual conversations with my massage therapist. I started performing musically, playing keyboard and singing. I started attending workshops of interest to me, inviting others to join me and exchanging contact information with interesting people.

There is an art to letting go. Detaching has to start BEFORE your child(ren) leave home. It has to be blended into the culture of your home. Though it would be unwise to detach drastically, changes have to be implemented lovingly and consistently. Expect your child to find it a bit unsettling that he or she cannot lean on you as before. And expect to feel some guilt over making yourself the priority. Don't criticize your child or yourself. You're still being a good mother. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you both will benefit in the long run and will face his leaving home with confidence and competence.

Suzette R. Hinton, SAC-I, Certified Life and Mentor Coach, Counselor and Mother. Graduate of CANA, Inc. (http://www.CoachingInstituteofNorthAmerica.com) and Founder of Purposeful Connections (http://www.purposefulconnections.com). Suzette believes that purpose is not only a destination but it is the energy that pushes us toward its fulfillment.