She meant well. So did my dad. But my parents? approach to sexuality was ridden with discomfort and fear. My dad couldn?t even say the word much less talk about it. He would refer to sex as ?dat thang.? He would say, ?you know, if you do this it?ll lead to dat thang.? He and mom both were so nervous.

My mother and father told me that men were dogs. They continued that a girl and a guy could not be friends. And if a guy got close to you, all he wanted was ?dat thang.? By all appearances, I was a success story. I didn?t have a baby, an abortion or an STD. But those words of mistrust and fear laid dormant inside of me.

It wasn?t until my college years that the power of those words manifested. I fell head-over-heels, upside, downside, and sideways in love. He was an older guy, so mature, so confident and so lawd-have-mercy good-looking! He was so self-assured and had a rhythm about him that rendered me absolutely and undeniably defenseless.

Most folks blink in disbelief when I tell them we didn?t have sex. But it?s the absolute truth. Without having sex or even coming close to having sex, I fell for him. It was his manner with me. He was gallant and chivalrous. He treated me like an absolute queen and I felt so lucky to be with him.

Like many women, I fell in love with my emotions and my ears. His energy was so disarming that he didn?t have to touch me at all. His words were the elixir that filled every emotional fiber of my being. I was so sprung. Blinded by my feelings, perceptions and fantasies about our future, I convinced myself that he and I were for keeps. I imagined us married and happy.

Then there was the ultimate blow. I heard he was getting married. I didn?t see it coming. It was like a dam broke and the waters knocked me off my feet. As I watched him exchange vows with another, those words started to fester like cancer. I criticized myself for being such a baby. Had I been more mature and had sex with him, he wouldn?t have been able to abandon me like this. He would have seen me as a woman and not a child. After all, my parents had told me that men only wanted one thing. I failed to give him that one thing. It was my fault. Such were my thoughts.

Innocence was lost. There was a guy whom I knew liked me. My pain drove me into his arms. I felt he would be a safe place as he had been running after me for a year. He had written me a barrage of love letters so I was convinced that he cared. Needless to say, we had sex. He was my first. I remember how I felt afterward. I felt satisfied that I was finally ?a woman.?

I called my first the next day, excited and full of hope, and detected a coolness. I decided to disregard it when he said he was tired. He said he couldn?t come to see me that day. It wasn?t long before I realized he was no longer interested in me. This only added insult to injury and started a domino effect in my life. There was unfinished business and I unconsciously used subsequent relationships to finish it. Unfortunately, I kept attracting unavailable men and subjecting myself to further victimization.

As a parent, I understand that my mother and father were trying to protect me the best way they knew how. We parents fear our children getting involved in sex before they are ready. But could we be setting them up for a bad experience later? Is there a better way?

In my article, ?Sex: What Fathers Need To Know About Their Daughters,? I talk about approaching sexuality from a standpoint of empowerment rather than fear.

Suzette R. Hinton, SAC-I, Certified Life and Mentor Coach, Counselor and Mother. Graduate of CANA, Inc. (http://www.CoachingInstituteofNorthAmerica.com) and Founder of Purposeful Connections (http://www.purposefulconnections.com). Suzette believes that purpose is not only a destination but it is the energy that pushes us toward its fulfillment.