My son came down the stairs after talking with a female friend. He was flipping his cell phone up and down and had an agitated scowl on his face. I asked him what was wrong. He said simply, ?I feel violent.?

I immediately stopped writing and inquired further. He told me that his friend had experienced violence at the hand of an ex-boyfriend who had physically threatened her and damaged her property. He said he had to end the conversation with her as he was overcome with violent feelings.

My mind immediately began to see a pattern to my son?s reaction to this type of violation. In previous situations, he had described his feelings as angry. He wished to defend the honor of his friends. I thought this was admirable and that he valued womanhood to that degree. However, this time, I saw his expression and felt an energy that shook me. I asked him to stop focusing on his anger for a moment and to listen to me.

In my previous article on teen dating violence, I stated something very key for teenagers to understand ? Love Does Not Hurt. Love seeks to protect yes, but love does not drive a person to harm another. I asked my son what made him any different if he exacted violence against the abusers? The only difference is the object of the violence but the root is the same.

?Do you realize that your preoccupation with your feelings left your friend hanging?? I asked. He responded that he had asked if there was anything he could do to help her. I acknowledged his sincerity. However, he had, unknowingly, abandoned her. He had gotten so caught up in his own feelings that he neglected hers. I explained that if he truly wanted to help her, he needed to be there. It was his job to be present with her, laying aside his agenda and caring for his friend.

Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in nonviolence. He realized that violence against the bigot would not stamp out racism. Hate doesn?t end hate. If he were alive today, I believe he would gather our teenagers and tell them that aggression doesn?t heal the wound. I encouraged my son to face his own pain. I told him that aggressors are in pain too. They had not been taught how to deal with their pain. It?s not to dismiss or minimize the injustice of it, but simply to illuminate him to the Truth. I explained that when there is an angry outburst with the magnitude he was displaying, it had very little to do with his female friends. He needed to face his pain.

My son never revealed his true source of pain. But I wouldn?t doubt that it is the pain of watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do a darn thing to help them. I believe that is more difficult for men as they are innately wired to protect and defend. It?s got to sting their manhood tremendously.

Anger is not bad. It is a gift. We should be angry when one person so arrogantly and irreverently violates another. But I don?t believe that God gave us anger to exact vengeance. I believe He gave us anger to direct that energy toward something productive. It calls us to a higher level of accountability. If you kill one person, it only stops that person but it does not stop violence. The spirit of violence is left unchallenged to prey on other innocent victims and leave devastation in its wake.

It is my hope and prayer that a parent, a teen, wounded young man or young lady will read this article and begin a dialogue about violence. Regardless to whether you are the abused or the abuser, the only way to reclaim your power is to open your heart to love and to healing.

Suzette R. Hinton, SAC-I, Certified Life and Mentor Coach, Counselor and Mother. Graduate of CANA, Inc. (http://www.CoachingInstituteofNorthAmerica.com) and Founder of Purposeful Connections (http://www.purposefulconnections.com). Suzette believes that purpose is not only a destination but it is the energy that pushes us toward its fulfillment.